How to Approach Sex as a Creative Act

In a world that often seeks to compartmentalize and label the most intimate aspects of our lives, the notion of approaching sex as a creative act is both revolutionary and deeply healing. For too long, many of us have navigated the realms of intimacy within the confines of performance and expectation, losing sight of the profound potential for connection, exploration, and self-expression that sex offers. My journey through sexual trauma and into the realm of healing intimacy has taught me that by viewing sex as a canvas for creativity, we can transform our experiences into something deeply fulfilling and authentically ours.

Trigger Warning - I am about to discuss sexual trauma.

For some time, the performance aspect of sex kept me safe. In my experience of being woken up daily with penetration, I learned to stick to the script. I knew when to build up, and when to give a compelling third act orgasm. My audience was not just my partner, but myself. I felt that if I could go through the motions—the moaning, the bending—I could trick myself into believing that I was having a good time. But at some point, this was no longer an option.

This personal journey through the shadows of sexual trauma towards healing illuminated a profound truth for me: intimacy can transcend the roles and scripts we find ourselves confined to. Like an actor who discovers the magic of a scene in the rawness of rehearsal, only to lose it under the bright lights of performance, I realized that the true essence of connection comes from the energy and authenticity we bring into each moment. This realization became a beacon, guiding me towards a new understanding of sex—not as a performance to be critiqued but as a canvas for creativity and exploration.

Embracing Sex as an Art Form

The first step is to shift our perspective on what sex can be. Instead of seeing it as an act with predetermined steps and outcomes, we can begin to view it as a blank canvas, ripe with the possibility for creativity, experimentation, and curiosity. This doesn't diminish the importance or the seriousness of sex; rather, it elevates it to a form of personal and shared expression that is as unique and varied as any work of art.

The Role of Self-Discovery and Education

There is value in educating ourselves about what is possible in the world of sex. I love that there is a wealth of information and de-stigmatization of sexuality online and in books. Though sometimes, I feel like there’s an opposite effect happening in the realm of sexuality influencers, creating pressure to experience intimacy in a certain way. There is definitely value in learning that you are capable of cervical orgasms. There is value in empowering messages that aim to dissolve shame around self-pleasure. But I also don’t want to feel like I’m any less sexually liberated just because I don’t want to have an orgasm a day. Sex is a creative act and it should look and feel like you. Learning your own body, what you like and don’t like, what you’re genuinely curious about exploring or not, is what to aim for. Every experience is a learning lesson for getting you closer in touch with you. Knowing what’s available to you is great - but if you don’t have genuine curiosity, just put it aside. Keep this knowledge in the back of your mind. If, at some point you’re in a moment - you might surprise yourself by accessing this information, and trying it when the mood strikes. 

Inspiration Over Expectation

A pivotal element of treating sex as a creative act is letting inspiration, rather than expectation, guide our experiences. Just as an artist waits for the muse to strike, we can approach intimacy with patience and openness, allowing the unique connection between ourselves and our partners (or with ourselves alone) to inspire the direction of our encounters. This mindset frees us from the pressure to perform or meet specific outcomes, allowing for a more spontaneous, genuine, and fulfilling expression of intimacy.

Creating Space for Healing and Connection

As we redefine intimacy, it's crucial to establish an environment where healing and connection can naturally occur. Make sure that you and your partner(s) develop a space of non-judgement, and everyone can safely express boundaries and desires. 

How Chakrubs Induce These Ideas

Your sacral and throat chakras are connected energetically. The sacral is where creative energy is incubated, and then the throat is how it gets expressed. Crystals facilitate energy movement, and so when you practice with Chakrubs, you are encouraging your creative energy to expand with your pleasure, and be expressed through the exploration of that pleasure. It is not uncommon for chakrub lovers to experience bouts of creative expression after a session. It is also common for any type of self-love to translate into better understanding of one’s own needs, desires, limits - resulting in clearer communication with partners. 

Get Started with These Suggestions

• Learn to Relax: Trust me, I understand how frustrating this advice can be, especially for those that carry sexual trauma, but it is effective to experience sex as a more creative and exciting act if you relax. It is the reason why yoga is considered the precursor for meditation, or why at every acting class I ever went to we learned relaxation techniques. If you focus on one thing - focus on learning to relax your body, your nervous system, your mind. Trust that once you put emphasis on this, the rest takes care of itself. If you’re interested in knowing what I do in order to keep myself relaxed before intimacy, or have any other questions, write it as a comment on the Chakrubs instagram or tiktok. I answer questions there with videos. 
• Practice Mindful Listening: Often, the most profound connections are forged not through words but through the ability to listen — to our own or our partners' breath, the subtle shifts in our or their body, and the unspoken desires that linger between words. This attentive presence can transform an ordinary encounter into a tapestry of deeper connection. 
• Explore Without a Destination: Instead of focusing on the climax as the ultimate goal, let the journey unfold organically. Treat each caress, each kiss, as an end in itself, exploring with curiosity and openness. This shift in focus can illuminate new paths of pleasure and intimacy, often overlooked in the rush to the finish.
• Embrace the Element of Surprise: Incorporate elements of surprise into your intimate encounters. This could be as simple as changing the location, introducing a new touch or kiss unexpectedly, or even bringing a new idea into the bedroom without prior discussion. The key is to keep an open mind and enjoy the spontaneity that comes with not knowing what will happen next. 
• Make it Purely About Creation: You’ve probably seen or heard about a date night where partners paint or draw portraits of each other. To invite creativity into your intimate life, give this a sexual twist be drawing nudes of each other or yourself in front of a mirror. Or, write out a short story exposing a fantasy you have. 

Embracing intimacy as a creative act reshapes our connections into deeply personal expressions of art, where every encounter is an opportunity for exploration and discovery. By shifting our approach to one of curiosity, openness, and mindful presence, we invite a richness into our experiences, allowing them to unfold in unexpected and fulfilling ways. As we paint our desires onto the canvas of our relationships, we not only foster deeper connections but also nurture our own growth. 

Tell me in the comments, do you believe sex is a creative act?