How Do I Get Off With A Stone Wand? An Essay by Vanessa Cuccia
“I feel really embarrassed to ask this question but that just means I have to ask it! I'm very excited to purchase a Chakrub when the jade one becomes available but...I don't really know how to use it. I've been masturbating since my teens but it's been the same thing every time: favorite porn, fingers, clitoral stimulation and done in a few minutes. I don't really know how to get myself off with a stone wand. Especially if I really want to have more vaginal orgasms instead of clitoral. Any advice? Thanks so much!”
This question came up and I knew I needed to address it publicly. With permission, I am publishing this inquiry to share what I’ve found to be useful in my seven years of “getting off” with a stone wand (namely, CHAKRUBS™).
Something I honor in a practice with Chakrubs is that it satisfies two needs simultaneously (amongst many other needs as well): One - instant gratification through sexual pleasure and, two - tending to and altering emotional and energetic strains leading to personal development over time.
So, to answer the question of “how to get off,” I’d like to again offer two points. One is physical - how to press this divine tool into your body in a way that makes you cum in a way you’ve never cum before. The second is, how to penetrate deeper into the purpose of a Chakrub so that you are not only “getting off,” but learning how to be “turned on,” “tuned in,” self-aware, and in control of your pleasure that you can cum from sitting on a patch of soft grass if you so choose (which I personally have).
I’d like to add here, I’m not what some would typically call a “sexpert”. I lean towards being more of a philosopher than an expert in sexuality - what gives me sway in answering this flavor of question is my approach to how I think about these things (and obviously I’ve thought about them a lot since 2011 when I developed the concept for Chakrubs). I like to offer perspectives that lead the asker to a path of consideration that most resonates with them. I have a simple philosophy when it comes to exploring sex, love, and spirituality and it is explained well in a story my mother once told me.
My mother studied Jazz Piano in college. She said that throughout the entire course they were learning every chord progression, technique, the history, rhythmic patterns, the nuances of sound, basically all the “ins and outs” of jazz. At the end, the professor gave one final lesson which was, “Now forget everything I taught you, and just PLAY.”
This analogy works so well because we need to approach topics like love, sex and spirituality as art forms - fields of study that require practice and patience and frequent consideration. We need to observe what is possible and what various forms and techniques there are and what cautions to take. Then, we need to surrender to the process and experience from a place of authentic play. This is how a jazz musician works: they have the skills and knowledge within so that they can allow themselves to improvise letting the music move them without.
When it comes to orgasms - as mentioned in the question above - we get stuck playing the same song. We begin seeing orgasm as a remedy for arousal rather than a call-to-action for spending time focusing on exploring pleasure and self-care. Sometimes we need that quick fix. We want a quickie. We want to cum and get on with our day. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Chakrubs, however, have a way of demanding a little bit more from us. Even in the shopping process of choosing a crystal type they ask us to identify what our emotional needs are. They begin “working” as soon as their existence enters your consciousness.
When it comes to orgasms, we need to recognize that there are many forms. We need to accept that we are capable of more pleasure than we may know. We need to consider that our energy and attitude play a factor in our enjoyment. We also need to accept that even if we don’t orgasm in the way we’re expecting to, intentional self-pleasuring is a radical and important act of self-love. Without orgasming in the traditional sense, practicing with a Chakrub opens up sensual channels in your body. Over time, your body will begin to understand and develop a kind of muscle memory - teaching itself that it is a place for pleasure and relaxation rather than tension and expectation.
Once I shifted my understanding of orgasm to mean a release of some sort rather than the narrow viewpoint of physical automatic contractions, I began to experience pleasure more frequently. I took the pressure off of my pleasure so not only do I have those physical orgasmic contractions, I have full body orgasms, and I have a mind open enough to explore sexuality in multiple areas - kinks, fantasies, tantra, majik, the art of seduction and more. Not only this but I now perceive the world to be offering me copious amounts of pleasure everywhere I turn. That patch of grass? Sensual. This cup of water? Divine. The scent of my friend’s perfume? Oh. My. GOD. Ecstacy is everywhere when you’re expecting it and when you become sensitive enough to revel in it.
Chakrubs help teach us these things. There is a mystical element that is not worth trying to explain because it is something you must experience. But the sheer fact that Chakrubs represent taking ownership of and honoring your own pleasure make them a tool for transformation on many levels. Additionally, because they are crystals, we can consider this elusive idea that they emit particular energy. To become sensitive enough to receive these various vibrations opens pathways to be sensitive to the sensual pulse of the world all around you. This is the process that happens over time, but in terms of the question above, here is my advice:
If you are used to orgasming through clitoral stimulation only but want to start exploring vaginal orgasms with a Chakrub:
1. Introduce your Chakrub to your normal routine. Show the ‘rub what’s up. Have it rest on your chest while you watch porn. Have her watch while you play with your clit. Explain to him what you like. Remember, it’s not going to judge you. He’s not going to get jealous of your vibrator. She’s not going to ask you for attention if you forget about him for a while when things start really heating up. It’s there as a tool, a teacher, a friend, a genie, really - whatever you need it to be.
2. After one or a few of these sessions, ask yourself and your Chakrub if you want to start incorporating it into your routine. Now, when I say this, it can mean that you actually ask aloud, or, it can be more of a mental understanding you have. What’s important is that you grant yourself consent to begin a sexual relationship. This communication (telepathic or audible) simply allows you to acknowledge what is about to occur as a special event. You give yourself the simple suggestion that you are ready for new sensations, experimentations, and learnings.
3. Do what you’d normally do and begin to slowly insert the Chakrub so it’s teasing the opening of your vagina. This means that with one hand you are working a vibrating toy or using your fingers to stimulate your clitoris, and the other hand is holding the Chakrub just barely inside. This will most likely feel really good. If there is little or no sensation from the Chakrub, continue to hold it there while you bring yourself to orgasm* in your usual way.
4. The more you try this, the more you will naturally begin to want to explore with your Chakrub, bringing it deeper and deeper. Try pressing the Chakrub into different areas of your vagina. The sturdiness of the wand makes it ideal for internal massage and getting blood to circulate which intensifies sensation. Treat these sessions with the Chakrub internally as a massage and when you find a spot that is extra pleasurable - milk the sensation. Breathe deeply and visualize that feeling seeping into every molecule of your body. The clitoris and g-spot are connected, but if you are trying to explore more vaginal orgasms like the asker above, you can begin to employ the clit as more of a side-kick. Also try touching various areas of the vulva - inner and outer labias love massage as well!
5. (Optional) Set a timer or employ a playlist to ensure you are giving yourself at least 15 minutes of devoted sensual exploration. This will create a sense of intention, and it will also ensure you are not rushing yourself. Of course you can practice longer if you are moved to do so, but for those who may be used to “getting off” after a few minutes from their usual system, it will be useful to ensure you are giving yourself/your body sufficient time. Over time this may also increase the probability of experiencing orgasm in a traditional sense.
6. (Optional) If you are wanting to wean yourself off of watching porn as the person who posed this question is, try to shift to fantasy for a while. You can begin by "rewatching" your favorite scenes in your head and progress to then creating your own. What's good about this is you're actually stimulating your mind and exercising your imagination. This can be challenging, but I think it's worth it. After weaning off for a while, if you so choose to incorporate porn back into your life, it'll be even more stimulating. Alternatively, try switching to erotic novels for a while.
The question above is from someone who doesn’t yet have a Chakrub. For people who are skeptical of the hardness being pleasurable, it may come as a surprise to learn how good it does actually feel. There are also different shapes offered so you can tailor it to your physical needs and desires.
*Crystals can be programmed with energy, so when you experience an orgasm with a crystal it is being charged with your ecstatic bliss! Remember, we at Chakrubs define orgasm as a sense of release, or a heightened state of pleasure.
art by Naomi Ning